The Magic Is Gone – How To Bring It Back

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A top question married men and women ask is “How do I fix my sexless relationship”?

We are all tired from working, taking care of kids and running errands but you can’t let that ruin your marriage. You still have to make sex a priority, but first things first.


There are many reasons couples aren’t having sex anymore but communication is key. Put your phones down and find out why your partner is disinterested. Is it a psychological problem? Are they depressed? Are they having a physical problem? Medical conditions and naturally occurring hormonal imbalances can cause many sexual issues. Luckily, most of these can be treated. After you have ruled out any of these problems and if you’re just in a rut, keep reading and take action.


Intimacy and Physical Touch

Intimacy comes in many forms. One is physical touch, which is a human need and is vital to our everyday health. This does not need to be in a sexual way. Practice touching your partner in the simplest ways. Brush your hand across their cheek, hold hands, hug more often, cuddle when watching a movie, slow dance in the living room or kitchen. If you’re comfortable enough, give each other a nice full body massage. Pay special attention to the way you greet each other. This can set the tone for the whole day. The more you touch each other and connect non-sexually, the closer you will become and want more to do with each other.


Don’t get lazy and let yourself go. Remember when you were first dating? Did you throw on a sloppy, gigantic sweatshirt, or did you try to look your best? Take a few minutes to groom, smell good and look good. Get a little more exercise. Make an effort to show you care about yourself and your partner will notice too.

Date Night

Set aside time for the two of you to reconnect on a regular basis. You don’t have to go out all of the time and spend money to do this. You can stay in and talk, play games and have fun with each other again. Reminisce. Talk about past times that brought you joy and laughter. Talk about how you fell in love. DO NOT talk about work. This may just bring up more tension and irritation. Focus solely on each other and positive things. This is the perfect time to discuss new goals, vacations, new things to do with each other such as hobbies or a new sport or adventure.

Be nice

Depending on how long you have been distant, one may be feeling insecure and unwanted. It doesn’t take much to compliment one another but it can make a huge difference. Take a good look at your partner or sit and think about what you really like about them, then tell them.

Flirt All Day

Don’t wait until 8 o’clock to start thinking about each other. Send flirty text messages throughout the day. Pack a sexy note in his/her lunch. You may even want to spray your perfume or cologne on it! Get their minds going. Give your partner something to get excited about and look forward to. There is a saying that goes like this – “If you don’t stimulate my mind, you aren’t going to stimulate anything else”.


Even though you may have to schedule date night and possibly even sex sometimes, it doesn’t have to be boring. Switch it up! Just like you wouldn’t want to eat the same thing for breakfast, lunch and dinner daily, nobody likes the same sexual routine every day or week either. Nobody should already know what, where and when sex is going to happen every time. That’s extremely boring and doesn’t give anyone, anything to look forward to. Try having sex in a different room in the house, or in a new position. Get creative and bring the romance back.


Chances are, in the beginning you bought or received flowers, surprised your partner with little gifts, and cared about impressing each other. When all of these gestures stop, you will feel more like roommates than anything else. Think about the things you did when you were first dating and do them again!


Role play

Become different people now and then. Play the naughty schoolgirl who has the hots for her teacher. Wear something that is completely out of character for you. Go somewhere and act like you’re just meeting for the first time, then head home for a “one night stand”. Role playing requires vulnerability, which builds trust, which strengthens your bond. I’m not suggesting that you act out 50 Shades of Grey, but maybe just start with a darker shade of pale!
Play out your fantasies and let loose.

Seek Help

If all else fails, don’t be too proud to seek help. Talk to a counselor or pastor. There are many trained professionals who can help guide you back on the right path. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about either. Believe me, they have heard it all! Ignoring the issues in your relationship can lead to depression, resentment and possibly infidelity. Committing to working together can bring a lifetime of joy. It’s up to you.