“Don’t be humble. You’re not that great!”
“Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to use sarcasm.”
“While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.”
“Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.”
“Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.”
“My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.”