Adult – Children, now there is an oxymoron!
It has been a month now since my 20 year old daughter moved back in with me.
Janaya will be 21 in July, and has been out on her own since she was 18, but recently moved back home. She is not what is called a “boomerang” kid.During the years she was gone, but still only 5 minutes away, she did pretty well for herself. She has worked since she was 15, and has only asked me for money twice that I can remember, and that was only $20 each time. I have heard from other people I know, that their children constantly ask for money, and they give it to them. She simply couldn’t deal with the environment of the home she lived in with roommates any longer. Too many parties, and too much noise!
I have taught my kids how to be strong, independent girls. They just don’t need constant help from me. They can figure things out on their own, and make every effort before coming to me. I am pretty happy about that.
But, there is a totally different feeling having her here as an adult, instead of when I was raising her. She is done being “raised” now, even though I will always be her mom. I now try not to offer so much advice unless asked. She is also paying rent to live here now so I figure that should also give her a little more freedom with that responsibility. So, she now doesn’t have a curfew, which is strange and just feels so odd! Now that she is an adult, I can’t ground her or lock her in. Which brings me to my main issue.
When Janaya was out on her own, I thought often about her and hoped and prayed she was ok. I didn’t know where she was going, with whom, or what hour she came home. It wasn’t exactly “out of sight, out of mind”, but it was more like “what you don’t know can’t hurt you”. Now, I see or hear every time she comes home or leaves LATE at night. She comes home in the middle of the night, and two nights ago, she left the house at 1 a.m.! Omg. I hear the door and thoughts just run through my head. What if she gets in a car accident? What if she is riding in the car with a drunk friend? WHAT IF SOMETHING HAPPENS AND SHE NEVER COMES HOME AGAIN???
I have to believe that my influence in the way that I raised her, sticks with her at all times, and trust that she is making good decisions. So, I don’t think she is out there doing something bad or wrong, but nobody can control the freaks out there who were not raised correctly or just plain make bad choices. When the next day comes and I see that she is home, my heart starts beating correctly again and I am relived and overjoyed for one more day.
At least I know I am not alone in my dilemma. According to the US Census Bureau, 59 percent of men age 18 to 24 and 50 percent of women that age resided in their parents’ home in 2011. There are many reasons for these factors, but the #1 reason has to do with our economy.
If you are in a similar situation or would like to comment on this post, please do!